


hope you feel the same

by noeller



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Boys In Love, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 23:20:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20536289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noeller/pseuds/noeller
Summary: 5 times Even falls a little bit more in love and 1 time he makes sure Isak knows it.





	hope you feel the same

**Author's Note:**

> me last night at 2am, thinking of this concept: something really short and sweet  
me 1 hour ago: oops

1.

Isak can’t keep his eyes open. 

He’s at their table, head propped up by his hand, head falling forward every few seconds before snapping back up. 

Even thinks his heart might burst. 

He’s been having trouble sleeping lately, tapping his fingers on the bed when he lays down and getting up to pace around in the kitchen as soon as Even falls asleep. 

Even’s been doing his best to help, but there’s not much he can do for Isak when he’s like this. They normally just have to wait it out. 

Even offers him some tea with melatonin. Isak, still fairly new to the concept of actually doing things to improve his life rather than getting wasted every weekend so he doesn’t have to deal with it for a few hours, has never tried it, and Even thinks they’ve finally found something that works, because half of the mug is gone and Isak’s falling asleep over his textbook. 

Even’s sitting across from him. He’s been sketching in his notebook and taking frequent breaks to stare at Isak until he notices and tells Even to stop looking at him or he’ll get distracted. 

He gives it a few more minutes of just watching Isak (his boy is adorable and he wants to savor the moment), then he goes to his side, leaning down next to him, touching his back to wake him up. 

“Let’s get you to bed, baby,” he whispers. Isak’s only response is wrapping his arms around Even’s neck, leaning on him for support. 

Even just laughs. He kisses Isak’s cheek before grabbing under his legs to carry him into their bedroom, putting him down gently on their bed and watching him curl up with their blanket. 

Even just sits there for a minute, watching as Isak relaxes, brushing a hand through his hair. Isak turns his head once, eyes still closed, and presses a kiss to Even’s palm. 

“Love you,” Even whispers a few minutes later. He’s pretty sure Isak’s asleep, and that’s confirmed when the only response he gets is Isak breathing. He knows, though. Isak loves him just as much. 

2.

Even’s down, and he thinks his brain has been replaced with a black void. 

He’s not sure how long it’s been since he crashed. He thinks it’s been at least two days, because he woke up in the middle of the night once. 

This one’s gonna be rough. He can already tell. He hasn’t felt like moving at all any of the times he’s been awake. He can hardly look at Isak, scared he’ll see that Even’s eyes look dead and want to run away. 

Isak keeps saying he loves him. Even doesn’t understand why.

Isak pushes the door open, and Even pretends to sleep. Isak will be able to tell he’s faking, but he won’t say anything. He’s good like that. 

He feels Isak’s weight sit on the edge of the bed beside Even, hears what’s probably a mug being put down on his nightstand. He feels Isak’s hand on his back, rubbing up and down, an endless amount of patience as he waits for Even to open his eyes. He leans into the touch first, feels like it’s giving him the strength to look at Isak when he’s so scared, before he opens his eyes.

The door has been pushed mostly shut behind Isak, probably to keep it dark in the bedroom because Isak somehow understands how the light can not only hurt, but make things feel worse too. Isak gives him a minute to adjust, keeps his hand resting on Even’s ribs. 

“Hi,” he says, just like he always does. 

“Hi,” Even replies, because there isn’t much more for him to say. 

“I made you some tea. Do you think you can have a few sips,” Isak asks. Even hesitates, thinks that sounds so fucking hard. “I’ll help you if you need it. I just don’t want you to get dehydrated, baby.”

It’s reasonable enough. Isak probably knows much better than him how long it’s been since he’s had something to drink, so he sets out on accomplishing the monumental task of sitting up. 

Isak places the mug in his hands, and it kind of feels like it’s warming up his soul. He almost cries when he takes a sip, because it’s the perfect temperature. He doesn’t know how Isak got this all so right, and he can’t possibly find the words to thank him properly right now. 

That’s a frustrating enough idea, but then he realizes Isak’s running a hand through his hair. He knows it’s disgusting, kind of irritating his skin a little with how dirty it is, but Isak’s acting like it’s nothing, like he’s not taking care of Even while he’s so disgusting inside and out, like he’s not being fucking fucking perfect right now, and that’s when the dam breaks. Even feels the tears falling before he can stop them. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Even shakes his head, tries to make Isak understand that he just needs a second. 

“I just love you,” he says. It’s not everything, but he doesn’t have the mental capacity for everything right now. He just has to hope that Isak understands what he’s trying to say. 

Isak smiles, leans forward to press a kiss to Even’s hair. “I love you, too. So much.”

Even drinks as much of the tea as he can, but it’s cold by the time he’s finished half and he doesn’t want it anymore. Isak stays beside him the whole time, not really watching him, though. He’s scrolling through his phone, occasionally turning it around to show Even something he finds funny that Even won’t find the strength to laugh at, absentmindedly running a hand up and down Even’s leg, keeping him tethered to earth.

Even hands the mug back to Isak and lays down again. He stands up to leave, but Even doesn’t want him to.

“Wait,” he says. Isak looks a little alarmed by how urgent Even’s voice sounds. He’s probably sounded like a dead person talking for the last few days. Even holds a hand out, and Isak gets it. He sits back where he just was, putting the mug down and taking Even’s hand. “How long has it been since I showered?”

“Three days, give or take,” Isak replies. Even closes his eyes. He feels fucking disgusting.

“I feel so gross. How can you love someone like this?” It’s not what Even meant to ask, but it’s what came out of his mouth.

“Ev, you didn’t stop loving me when I had the flu and threw up on you, and that was way more disgusting. It’s like that, okay? I don’t just love you when your life is good. I love you all the time, no matter what. I know you don’t want a whole speech about how great you are right now, but just remember that I love you and that you’re gonna be okay again. I promise.” 

A few tears fall and they end up on Even’s pillow. Isak just wipes his face and lifts his head up to turn the pillow over so Even doesn’t have to sleep like that.

“Will you help me shower when I wake up?” It’s a fairly normal occurrence for them, but that doesn’t take away the shame of asking someone to help you perform basic hygiene. Thankfully, Isak just nods, understands that he shouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Even doesn’t know how he got so lucky. “Can you also stay here until I fall asleep again?”

“Of course. Should I just sit here or should I lay down with you?”

“Lay down please,” so Isak does. He walks around to his side, climbs under the duvet, and wraps his arms around Even.

Love doesn’t cure depression. They both know that. But they also know that having someone who loves you with their whole heart hold you when life feels impossible can make things just a little more bearable. 

3.

Even’s head is pounding.

He’s working on a group project for a cinematography class, except half of the group has bailed on them entirely.

He’s kind of friends with the girl, Thea, he’s working with, but the two of them are trying to do the work of four people in a very short amount of time (after finding out that their two lazy stoner partners hadn’t done any of the stuff they were supposed to in the two weeks they were supposed to be working individually) and it’s threatening to destroy what could be a good friendship in the future.

He’s generally not a very petty person, but knowing that those two will fail the course after their professor finds out is kind of the only thing motivating him.

They’ve been working in relative silence, knowing that snapping at each other is only going to prolong this process, but they’re both so fucking stressed out, and someone keeps calling Even and he doesn’t have the fucking time for this.

His phone won’t shut up, and he needs to focus. This is due at midnight and he won’t fail this course. He gets his phone to turn it off, and sees that he has 4 missed calls and 10 texts from Isak, and then it lights up with another call.

“What, Isak,” he answers. He doesn’t want to be annoyed but he doesn’t need this distraction.

“I just wanted to make sure everything is okay,” he says, and Even can’t do this.

“It’s fine. I need to focus so just leave me alone,” he snaps, hanging up immediately. He can see from Thea’s face that she’s shocked at his behavior, but she wisely doesn’t say anything.

He works for another 10 minutes before the guilt starts gnawing at him. He didn’t tell Isak he was staying late to work in the library and he probably just got worried when Even didn’t come home.

Then he checks his phone for real and feels even worse, because he was supposed to be home seven hours ago and he can’t imagine how terrified Isak must have been when Even didn’t answer for that long.

But still, they only have a few hours left before the deadline and they have to work. He can’t screw up school just because he’s made a mistake with Isak. He just has to text him an apology and beg for forgiveness when he has time.

Even: I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, but I don’t have time to explain right now. I know this is the shittiest apology of all time but I’ll be home in a few hours and I’ll do whatever I possibly can to make it up to you. I love you.

They barely make the deadline. They turn it in with 20 minutes to spare, and it’s such a fucking relief that they actually hug each other.

“Are you good to get home? I can walk with you if you need it,” Even says, because he’s recently learned how completely terrifying it is for women to walk by themselves at night and wants to make sure she’s safe.

“No, don’t worry. My friend is coming to get me. I’m gonna type up the letter to the professor about the other two while I wait. Plus, I think you have some ass kissing to do at home,” she says, and Even groans internally. He can’t imagine how upset Isak’s going to be.

He spends the ten minute walk home trying to brace himself for every possibility, even considers that Isak may have left for the night to stay with one of his friends if he’s really upset.

Most of the lights are off when he gets there, and he’s dreading what he’s going to find, but then Isak is in his arms out of nowhere, holding him so tight, and he doesn’t know where this is coming from, but he’s too relieved that Isak’s still here to ask.

Isak stays there for a few minutes, not saying anything, and he can feel tears on his shoulder and he thinks Isak is shaking, and this is not the behavior of someone who has absolutely every right to be furious. It just isn’t.

“What’s going on,” Even asks, because Isak’s behavior just isn’t normal and there has to be some sort of explanation for it.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just really scared when you didn’t answer. I promise I wasn’t trying to monitor you or thinking you were having an episode or something. I promise,” he says, and Even’s so confused. He pulls back, looks into Isak’s eyes, all red and glassy.

“Did you not get my text?” Isak shakes his head. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. Come here,” Even says, pulling Isak back into his arms, holding on tight and running a hand up and down Isak’s back in an attempt to calm him down. “I snapped at you because I was stressed, and that’s on me. It’s all my fault. You didn’t do a single thing wrong. I can’t even imagine how scared you were when I didn’t answer you for such a long time. You have every right to be angry with me right now.” Isak shakes his head.

“I’m not angry,” he says, and it’s a little difficult to make out, muffled by the fabric of Even’s jacket, but he gets it.

“Why don’t we go sit on the couch and talk,” Even suggests. Isak nods and takes his hand.

Even kisses him when they sit down, first thing. He hasn’t kissed him all day and they both needed it, then Isak starts talking.

“You said you were stressed, is everything okay?” Even nods.

“You know that project I’ve been working so hard on? The group one?” Isak nods. “It was due tonight. We’ve been scheduled to meet to put everything together this afternoon for two weeks, and then only Thea and I showed up, and when we texted the other guys, one didn’t respond and one said ‘oops’. They hadn’t done any of the work. Thea and I have been working our asses off to finish it.” Isak nods.

“I’m sorry they did that to you. Did you get it done,” he asks. Even nods. A few more tears fall down Isak’s face. He doesn’t seem to be able to get a hold on his emotions.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I know I scared you, but I need you to calm down, okay? Everything is just fine.” Isak nods, but then his face crumples again. He hides it in his hands.

“I thought you were leaving me,” he admits, voice full of pain and fear. Even tries to move his hands, wants to see his face, but Isak just shakes his head, so Even grabs his wrists instead.

“Why would you think that?” Even’s genuinely confused. He considered the possibility that Isak would think he did something wrong, but he never in a million years thought Isak would think he was being dumped.

“I called you so many times and you were so mad at me when you answered and then you still didn’t come home. I was so scared, Ev. I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I did wrong,” he says, crying and shaking, doing his best not to look at Even.

“Baby, please look at me. Please,” Even begs. Isak finally moves his hands out of the way. His face is red and blotchy. Even’s own eyes start watering at the sight. He puts both hands on the sides of Isak’s face, makes him finally look up. 

“I’m not leaving you. I’m never leaving you. I love you so fucking much, angel. Everything that happened today was completely my fault, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never want you to feel like this again and I’ll do everything I can to make sure you don’t. I promise you that. Now, I need you to calm down. Take a few deep breaths for me. You and I are just fine, okay?” Even tries to keep his voice calm, but he can’t help that it shakes a little bit.

He’s never seen Isak like this. He’s seen him at his worst, but he’s never acted like this. It’s not like him at all, and Even doesn’t know what to do, but he needs to be the strong one right now. This is about Isak.

He eventually calms down, but he’s exhausted from such an emotional day. They shower together, Even washing the tears off Isak’s face, and then get into bed, never letting go of each other.

“I have an idea,” Even says. “I’m skipping my morning classes tomorrow. You do the same, and we just stay here. Just us together. Does that sound good?” Isak nods, too tired to speak anymore. “I’ll turn the alarms off. You just sleep.”

Even holds him a little tighter than normal. He lets a few tears fall once he’s sure Isak’s asleep, because he feels so awful and disgusting.

He can’t imagine how Isak must have felt today. Even knows he wouldn’t be able to function anymore if Isak wasn’t in his life, and he feels so terrible for making his beautiful boy have these doubts.

But Even’s sure now. He’s sure Isak loves him just the same. He’s sure Isak’s it for him. He’s sure that no one else will ever even compare to the light Isak brings him.

He loves Isak. He loves him so much. He’s going to make sure he knows that. 

4.

It’s not a significant moment, not by a long shot.

They’re making dinner together, Isak chopping vegetables and Even trying to roll out pasta dough (he thought making it from scratch might be a fun challenge for him).

Isak’s a little scared of the knife still. He’s 20 but no one ever thought to teach him how to cook until he moved in with Even, who’s certainly not the best but at least knows what he’s doing.

Isak was cautious to start with, but then he’d sliced off the tiniest little piece of one of his nails while trying to peel a potato and almost lost his mind. Now, he’s even more paranoid, timid in a way that Isak normally just isn’t, but he’s determined to learn for Even.

Even’s patient with him, because someone needs to be. If they have time, he puts Isak on chopping duty, but if they’re both starving and just want to eat, he gives Isak an easier job, like making sure the pasta doesn’t boil over.

They have plenty of time tonight, though, and it’s a good thing, because there’s a fair amount of vegetables in tonight’s recipe, and Even once watched Isak work on one tomato for almost 20 minutes.

He thinks he’s kinda killing this fresh pasta thing. This is his first time, and they don’t have one of those pasta roller things, and he can’t actually find their rolling pin, so he’s squishing it down with a wine bottle that they’ll probably finish between the two of them tonight, just because.

He’s trying to cut out the noodles one by one with a knife, which turns out to be the difficult part of doing this without one of those fancy machine things, when he hears Isak’s knife clatter and “ow, fuck.” He looks up to see Isak holding his thumb, his eyes squeezed shut in pain.

“Did you cut yourself,” Even asks, putting his own knife down and moving to stand next to Isak.

“No, I just cut this spicy pepper thing and discovered that the papercut I got a few days ago is still there,” he says, trying to smile because it’s pretty funny, but it fucking hurts. “Am I a lost cause, Ev? It seems like I’m really just bad at this whole thing.”

“No, of course not. You’re still just pretty new to it. I started learning when I was, like seven I think, so you’ve been doing this as long as I had when I was ten. Think of it that way.” Isak rolls his eyes.

“That’s a real confidence boost. Thanks, baby,” he says, his tone dry and sarcastic like it is with him most of the time. Even’s the one to roll his eyes this time.

“Just go wash your hands. I’ll finish this because I’m such a loving and amazing boyfriend and I care about your pain and all that,” Even says.

“Yeah, right. You wouldn’t care if it was my left hand. You only like the right one. I wonder why that is.”

“Hush or you get to cook the meat next time we have friends over,” and that shuts Isak up.

They’ve gotten to the point where they’re mostly vegetarian. Neither of them were ever huge fans of eating meat and the both really hate handling and cooking it raw, so they really only eat it when they go out. It wasn’t intentional, but Even’s big sappy heart thinks it’s really sweet how they just fell into the habit together. Their friends think it’s weird, though, so they cook meat sometimes when they’re staying for dinner, and they usually have some sort of contest to decide who has to do it.

Even finishes up Isak’s chopping. It’s mostly just small stuff, so it’s fine. Even goes back to the painstaking work of cutting noodles out with a knife and gives Isak instructions on what to do with the vegetables now that they’re all chopped nicely.

The look of concentration Isak gets when he looks through their spice rack is one of Even’s favorite sights in the world. They have quite a few, Even having gone through high school determined to one day be able to make food as good as Mama Bakkoush’s, spending a fair amount of time trying to understand how it works to properly season things.

Of course, Isak doesn’t go that far with it, but he doesn’t have to. He’s not as interested in it as Even, and that’s okay. He’ll usually pick one or two out, and then Even gives him a few more to add because he knows what works and what doesn’t.

He loves how they work together. It feels like they really are a unit.

They have fun trying to make their plates look nice, and Isak jokes that Even should take a photo and start a food blog because that fits his vibe (whatever that means). Isak’s a tiny bit buzzed, had opened the bottle of wine when Even wasn’t looking and had a full glass on an empty stomach, which is a classic Isak move in Even’s opinion.

Even thinks he maybe salted the water for the pasta a little too much, and there are definitely a few slightly overcooked pieces of zucchini because he left them going for a minute too long, but Isak still throws around praise like he’s talking to the chef at a five star restaurant.

Isak’s a little past tipsy when they finish, and Even doesn’t want any shattered plates on their floor tonight, so Isak’s in charge of wiping down the table and counter top and nothing else while Even does the dishes.

Both of their phones are in a different room, and rather than going to get one, Isak decides he’ll be the source of the music, singing some weird mash up of different Gabrielle songs until he gets bored of that and tries to rap, getting incredibly offended when Even doesn’t praise his skills.

Tonight, life feels perfect. 

5.

Even can’t sleep in an empty bed.

He’s on a trip, visiting some relatives in Germany. He’s here with his parents, who had offered to bring Isak along, but Isak knew he’d feel too guilty if they paid for him to go.

Even’s so tired from traveling all day, and he just wants to sleep, but Isak isn’t here. He won’t be here. Even has to sleep alone for the next few nights and he doesn’t want to do it. He just wants to have Isak in his arms.

He knows it’s probably not great that they can’t sleep apart from each other, but he’s not in a position to be worried about it, because they’re going strong. Even’s not planning on having a bed that doesn’t contain Isak at any point in the foreseeable future.

Except for this fucking one. It’s comfortable, objectively, and it has a bunch of pillows that aren’t mostly flat like the cheap ones they have at home, but again, no Isak. That’s the shitty part.

He knows it’s a little creepy, but he’s been listening to a video he has on his phone. It’s of Isak, obviously, from a few months ago, when Isak had been so sick that he’d taken a full minute to recognize Even when he came home from a 15 minute drugstore run one afternoon.

He’d been knocked out by some cold medicine in the middle of the day, and the combination of the fever and congestion had caused him to snore and talk in his sleep, and Even thought it was adorable.

He mostly talked nonsense, which was fair enough since he was sleeping and his brain was melting (Isak’s words), but Even still thought it was sweet. He’d originally taken the video to show Isak when he was feeling better, maybe tease him just a little, but then he’d watched it back when Isak was out late with friends one night, and it was so calming to him for some reason.

The video is cut off by an incoming call, and of course it’s Isak.

“Hi, baby,” Even says.

“Hi. I didn’t wake you, did I? I forgot about the time difference until like half a second before you answered,” Isak says.

“No, I can’t sleep. Bed’s too empty. I tried to cuddle one of the pillows, but it didn’t hit me or call me a nerd, so that didn’t work,” Even says, a fond smile on his face that Isak will never see.

“I should’ve guessed you had a pain kink, you perv. Anyway, put your phone on speaker. I wanna tell you about something and I have no doubt you’re gonna fall asleep before I’m done,” Isak says, and Even knows exactly what he’s doing.

He’s going to read some boring science garbage until Even’s asleep, and then he’s going to get in their bed, hold the phone as close to his ear as he can so he can hear Even breathing. He’d confessed once that listening to Even’s heartbeat or breathing was one of the biggest helps to his insomnia, so Even’s happy to comply.

For some reason, Even’s brain just isn’t having it tonight. He starts drifting off, Isak’s voice in his ear, and then he jumps awake, and his eyes won’t stay closed after that.

He pretends, though. He takes deep, even breaths, close to his speaker to make sure Isak can hear. He’ll never know.

“Are you sleeping, Ev?” Isak asks, quiet and calm. Even doesn’t respond. “Okay, well you keep sleeping, I’m gonna tell you something. You’ll get it through osmosis I’m sure. I love you. Like so much, and I felt stupid for calling you, because what kind of adult needs to hear his boyfriend breathe to be able to sleep, you know? But I think it’s really special how we know how to help each other, you save me and I save you right back, right? Anyway, I’m rambling since you can’t hear me. I’m tired and I’m going to bed now. My phone charger doesn’t reach the bed on my side so I’m sleeping on yours. Goodnight, Ev.”

Even smiles. He feels the same way. He’s able to close his eyes and calm down after that. Isak doesn’t have to know that Even heard him.

+1.

In the grand scheme of things, 20 years old is really fucking young. Even knows that. 

But when he sees the ring, it just feels right. 

It’s so Isak I’m so many ways. It’s thin and gold, made of tiny little leaves. Even thinks it represents the life Isak brings to him and the people around him. His gorgeous fucking sunshine boy (Even’s words, no one else’s).

It’s also objectively something Isak would like. He thinks real diamonds are tacky and dumb, and he thinks those plain thick bands that men often wear are bulky and ugly. 

Maybe the fact that he knows Isak’s opinions on different styles of wedding rings is a hint that Isak’s just as ready to take this leap as Even is. 

And it’s not like they have to get married immediately. Some couples stay engaged for years. But they’re at the point where introducing the other to new people as “my boyfriend” feels immature and doesn’t capture how real and deep what they have together is. 

It’s kind of heavy, the two of them, but in a good way most of the time. They’re so in love, but they aren’t stupid. They’ve both worked their asses off to get here, to a good, healthy long term relationship. They know that, even as deep and strong as it is, their love for each other isn’t the only thing that matters here. It’s also commitment and dedication and communication and work.

It just feels right, getting engaged. He wants to have that security, to know that he’ll one day be able to call Isak his husband with zero doubts. They’ve talked about forever before, but it’s always been a little more abstract, because they’re both so young, but this is right. It just is. 

They were made for each other, it seems. Even would call them soulmates is if he wasn’t completely sure Isak would roll his eyes and explain that it’s not possible. 

So he does it. He buys the ring and guesses on the size, because Isak’s not a jewelry person and doesn’t own a ring that Even can use for a reference. It’s impulsive, but at the same time it isn’t, because Even’s known he wanted this since the first night they spent wrapped together. 

He can hardly sleep that night, so excited and a billion different plans running through his head. He holds sleeping Isak’s hand and runs his finger over where the ring will go if (when) he says yes. 

He spends a lot of time going through all the significant moments in their relationship, all the proposal plots in his favorite movies, all the cheesy places he could take Isak, tries his best to make a combination of those things that makes sense, but he just can’t. 

Then he decides, this will be a new memory. This won’t be a reference, it will be something Even recreates in 50 years when they’re old together, maybe. But for now, it’s its own thing. 

He doesn’t want it to be too elaborate, but he doesn’t want to put no work in. He knows Isak would probably be happy enough if Even asked him while they lay in their bed with a bowl of ice cream split between them, but that’s not how Even wants to do things. 

He makes his decision in late July as Isak is saying his personal reminders out loud so he doesn’t forget them (a system that doesn’t work, but he’s trying). He mentions that school starts in a month, and that’s when the whole thing hits Even. 

He remembers the day school started three years ago, how he’d felt so ready to fail, to give up, to stop trying to make life work for him, and then he’d seen Isak. His life had changed that day, and it only makes sense for their collective life to change on the same day. 

The day falls a few days before Isak’s semester of university begins, and it’s a sign to Even. He tells Isak they should rent a cabin in the mountains for a few days, just spend some time for just them before school starts back, and Isak’s quick to agree, takes the days Even asks for off of work and packs a bag.

Even keeps his plans from everyone except Mikael, because he wants pictures and Mikael is the only person he can trust to make sure they’re perfect (and to not tease the two of them for how they act when Isak’s not aware someone is watching and Even’s trying to pretend he doesn’t know). He doesn’t want to tell people, because he’s so, so scared that Isak will ask him to wait a year or two before they make things official, and he’d be so embarrassed if he got home to everyone asking questions only to have to explain that Isak said no. 

Even volunteers to drive them, because Isak still fucking hates it. It’s a few hours of driving, but Even doesn’t mind it at all. Isak falls asleep at some point, and Even’s so thankful, because he’s starting to overthink things and Isak would be able to tell if he was awake, and Even wouldn’t be able to explain. 

He has to stop driving at one point, get out and walk around the car a few times to expel some of the nervous energy. He checks for the seventh time that the ring is in the pocket of his bag. He leaves the car on and tries to avoid closing the door too hard so Isak will stay sleeping. 

He thankfully has his nerves in check by the time he drives over a dip in the road a little too fast and startles Isak awake. He apologizes for falling asleep, and decides that he’ll make up for it by “entertaining” Even while he drives, which means screaming along with the lyrics to songs Even likes while sitting on both of their phones so Even can’t secretly film him. Even’s so fucking in love. 

They arrive at just the right time. They drop their bags in the cabin and sit outside to watch the sunset together. They make dinner from the groceries they bought an hour into the trip and kept in a cooler bag, and it feels like they’re the only people in the world. 

Even’s heart pounds so much that night that he’s scared it will wake Isak, who’s laying on his chest. He wants to do it tomorrow. It’s the exact day and then they can spend a few days celebrating with each other, but the nerves are really hitting him. 

Isak has so many reasons to say no. Even can’t even list all of them because there are so many. There’s only one reason he has to say yes, and Even doesn’t like those odds. 

He lays awake for hours, working himself up more and more with each passing minute until he’s nearly convinced that he’s going to hide the ring at a friend’s house and wait until Isak’s 21st birthday, where there will be so many 21s that it won’t make sense to _not_ propose. 

He gets his phone out. He’s going to text Mikael not to come tomorrow, but since it’s completely dark, Isak flinches at the light, shifting to try to get away from it in his sleep. He throws it back down. 

“Sorry, baby,” he whispers as quietly as he can, not sure if Isak’s just a little restless or has woken up a little. Isak hums a little. 

“Love you, ev,” he mumbles, smacking his lips against Even’s chest, what he probably thought was a kiss in his sleepy mind. Even’s heart flutters. He’s doing this. 

They spend most of the next day just completely in a bubble. They hardly check their phones, just letting each other’s presence be enough. They put on shirts when they go on the deck but just cover their legs with a blanket Even threw in the back of the car at the last minute before they left. 

The most difficult part is coordinating where Mikael will be waiting with the camera. Even hasn’t had a solid plan at all the whole time. He knows he wants to do it at sunset, thinks that will be unbelievably beautiful. He doesn’t know where, though. Mikael ends up having to tell Even he’ll just follow them from far away and hope no one calls the police on him for stalking. 

Isak ends up being the one that suggests going on a walk together. Even asks him to wear something decent so they can maybe take a few photos if they see a nice spot. Technically not a lie. 

Isak ends up in Even’s softest gray hoodie and some black jeans, and Even thinks he looks absolutely stunning (and telling Isak that earns him a fond eye roll). 

They just walk around for a while. The ring box feels like it’s burning Even but he’s still pretty relaxed, because he’d be a fucking idiot if he wasn’t in this moment right now. They walk slow, holding hands, joking around, occasionally stopping to give each other a few smiley kisses or pulling each other into their arms. Even can’t think of anything that could be better than this. 

They fall quiet a little while into it. They just take it all in, and then the sun starts setting. 

They’re in front of a mountain, the ground around them covered in little flowers. The sky is pink and the clouds are gold and Even thinks this couldn’t possibly be more perfect. He stops Isak, turns to look at the sky before he turns back to his boy. 

The light is making the world around them rose colored, and that includes Isak, who looks so precious that Even can’t stand to wait another second. 

“Is,” he says. Isak hums in acknowledgement, still looking up. “Do you know what day it is?” 

“No, I don’t, actually,” Isak says, moving to face him. Even takes a deep breath. 

“Three years ago today is when I saw you for the very first time,” he says. Isak’s eyes look a little wet. 

“Really?” Even nods. 

“You changed my life that day without even knowing it, and I guess it made sense to me that our life together changes on this day, so here it goes,” he says, taking a shaky breath, grabbing Isak’s hands in his own. Isak seems to have started realizing what’s about to happen, his eyes widening. “I’ve practiced this in my head thousands of times, but I can’t remember any of it right now. I guess I’ll just say what I’m thinking right now, which is that I’m so fucking in love with you I can’t contain myself sometimes. You’re the greatest person I’ve ever met and you’ve made my life so unbelievably happy. I never thought I was incomplete until I saw you that day, and I didn’t feel whole until that night that you told me I wasn’t alone. Nothing in the world makes me as happy as you do, and I never want to experience anything, good or bad, if I can’t share it with you. I know you think it’s bullshit, but I genuinely believe that we’re soulmates somehow.”

“Even,” Isak chokes out, tears streaming down his face from pure happiness. Even pulls the ring out, gets down on one knee, and opens the box. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Isak chokes one a sob, even more tears coming out. He doesn’t respond for a second, a little too emotional to think, but then he moves his hand into his pocket and pulls out a box, and that when Even’s tears start too. 

“I will marry you, Even,” he says. 

The next few seconds are a blur, but he knows he kisses Isak and pulls him into his arms. Isak cries into his shoulder for a minute before Even pulls back just enough to see his face, wipes his tears with the hand not holding the ring. 

“Can I put the ring on you,” Even asks. Isak nods, still a little too worked up to speak. The ring fits him perfectly, another sign from the universe, Even’s sure. They both admire the way it looks on Isak’s finger for a minute before Isak opens his own box. 

“Marry me, too,” he says, voice raw from tears but a huge smile on his face. 

“Yes,” Even says, his smile just as big. They both laugh a little when Isak’s hand is shaking a little too much and it takes him a few tries to get the ring on Even’s finger. They kiss again, but they’re smiling so much that they almost knock their teeth together. Even still thinks it’s an absolutely perfect moment. 

“I can’t believe you beat me to proposing by 10 minutes,” Isak says. They don’t seem to physically be able to let go of each other, but that’s okay. 

“10 minutes?” Isak smiles, leans so their foreheads are touching. 

“I’ve had an alarm set for 21:21 all day. It would’ve been mostly dark and we would’ve been able to see the stars since there’s no light pollution up here,” Isak explains. 

“Wait, fuck. Mikael’s hiding over there taking pictures. We should get some close ups before it’s dark,” Even says, finding Mikael and waving him over. Isak just laughs. 

They take a few photos, the sky still giving the world a beautiful rosy look, albeit a little darker now. Both of their faces are stained with tears, Isak’s is a little puffy from how hard he was crying, but it’s authentic and it’s them. 

Mikael congratulates them both, giving them short hugs before leaving, saying he’ll get the photos to Even when they get home. 

Even suggests that they head back towards their cabin, says it will be completely dark by the time they get there and they can watch the stars together. They start walking hand in hand, but then Even decides that Isak just isn’t close enough and scoops him into his arms. 

They do watch the stars for a little bit, but they watch each other more. They’re laying on the ground, and when Isak leans in for a kiss, Even suddenly can’t let go of him. It gets pretty heavy before Even remembers that they’re outside, breaks the kiss long enough to get them inside and turn the light on before they’re ripping each other’s clothes off. 

It’s after that, they’re just laying in silence, basking in each other’s presence, running their fingers over the other‘s skin, getting to know each other as fiancés instead of boyfriends, as a single unit instead of two people together. 

They have a lot of things they have to do after this. He knows Isak’s probably a little terrified of informing his father that he’s engaged a couple months into 20, but they don’t have to think about that now. They’re the only people in the world. 

Even studies his ring for the first time. It’s silver, made like a more typical engagement ring, but a dark green gem (jade, maybe) instead of a diamond. It’s almost vintage looking, and Even loves it. He knows Isak, and he knows that there’s probably a series of incredibly detailed reasons for him choosing this ring in particular, but Isak’s eyes are falling shut. He has the rest of their lives (life) to ask for the reasons, anyway. 

“It’s engraved on the inside,” Isak mumbles, eyes half open. Even doesn’t want to take it off, but he does want to see what it is, so he does. 

It’s a little tiny infinity symbol on the back end of where the rock is. Isak shakes himself awake a little, leaning up to touch it. 

“Do you know why wedding rings go on the left ring finger,” he asks. 

“I don’t,” Even says. 

“They say the left ring finger is the only finger that has a vein that connects to the heart.” Isak traces down Even’s knuckle. “I had to beg them to put the infinity here. They kept saying it could damage the actual rock, but I wanted it there so it would be right over the vein. I don’t know how much of what I just said is scientifically accurate and how much is just some cheesy tumblr quote bullshit, but it felt right, and I thought you’d appreciate a little cheesy tumblr bullshit” Isak explains. Even can feel his eyes burning with tears. 

“I can’t believe people think I’m the sappy one in this relationship,” Even says, choking out a small laugh. “It’s perfect, angel. You’re so perfect. I love you so fucking much.”

Isak puts the ring back on him, leaning down for another kiss. 

“I kinda want to know what your proposal speech was gonna be.” Isak laughs. 

“I was just gonna say whatever came to mind. I kept getting so nervous every time I thought about it and I was trying to stay sane,” Isak says. 

“I get that. I stopped the car while you were sleeping on the way up here and walked laps around it because I couldn’t sit still anymore. I actually almost backed out last night,” Even admits. 

“What made you change your mind?”

“I got my phone out to tell Mikael not to come, and I guess the light woke you up a little. I doubt you remember but you told me you loved me and tried to kiss my chest, so I just knew it was right,” Even explains. 

“I tried to kiss you?” Isak looks a little confused. 

“Yeah, you were like 90 percent asleep, so you kind of just smacked your lips together,” Even says, a small smile on his face. Isak laughs. 

“Well, I’m glad I talked you into it. I guess I’ll have to work on my sleep kisses though. That’s embarrassing,” he says. He lays back down on Even’s chest, traces patterns with his fingers. 

They lay there for a few more minutes. Even knows one of them should turn the light off, but he’s so warm and comfortable and happy right now. He wants to live in this moment as long as he can. 

“I bet Mags asks us which one of us is wearing the wedding dress,” Isak says. It earns a laugh from Even. 

“I think you’d look hot in a wedding dress. You look good in white,” Even says. 

“I don’t think I’d be allowed to wear a white dress. Isn’t that supposed to represent purity? What we just did wasn’t very pure.”

“I think you’re safe. I don’t think it counts if you just lay there and let the other person do all the work,” Even says, earning himself a slap on the arm.

“That’s so not true! Take it back. I’m gonna be your husband so you can’t be mean to me,” Isak says, outraged at the implication. Even just kisses his forehead, smiling. “I think you should wear the dress. You wouldn’t be able to grab my ass through all the fabric. What’s our wedding gonna be if you don’t grope me in front of my parents?”

“You’re so right. I’ll wear the dress.” 

The silence falls over them again, but it’s content. Even thinks Isak has fallen asleep when he speaks again.

“Do you wanna hear what my backup plan was if I backed out today?”

“Of course I do.” He can’t see Isak’s face, but he can feel him smile.

“I was gonna buy a bunch of white candles. Like, so many white candles that we would’ve had trouble paying rent, probably. I was gonna put white sheets on the bed and wear a hawaiian shirt, and I was gonna make our room look like Juliet’s funeral, but no crosses. I tried to learn some of the diolouge from when Romeo asked Juliet to marry him, but I couldn’t even read the words, so that probably wouldn’t have worked, and then I was gonna say something super cheesy about two lovers dying and becoming one, and it would’ve been so disgusting that you would never let me live it down for the rest of our lives, and then we’d have really fast candle-lit sex because we’d both be too worried about the bed catching on fire to take our time. Then we’d donate the candles to a church or something because we wouldn’t have enough room to keep them all.”

Even laughs at a few points in Isak’s plan, but his eyes are filled with tears by the end of his explanation, because Isak knows him so well. He wouldn’t trade today for anything else in the world, but just Isak saying the plan is enough. He’s so in love.

“Wait, shit, was this some sort of movie reference that I didn’t understand,” Isak asks, looking back up to Even.

“No, no. I thought about that, but I wanted this to be a special moment that we made. I didn’t wanna copy someone else’s idea of a perfect moment. Plus it would have been less special if I had to explain it to you afterwards, I think,” Even says. “I had a few different plans at the beginning. I wasn’t gonna do the whole white limo tesla thing, but I did consider texting you to go to the balcony and shouting at you from the sidewalk, but then I thought you might not be able to understand me from so far away. I also thought about taking you to Paris, but then I thought you’d roll your eyes at me for proposing in such a cliche place, so I scratched that plan, too. I’ll show you my list of ideas. You’ll probably think it’s funny,” Even says. Isak’s eyes have been closed the whole time. Even thought he was listening, but thinks he might have been wrong when Isak doesn’t respond. “Are you falling asleep while I explain the thought process behind my proposal?” He opens his eyes then.

“Hmm, oh, of course not. White limo tesla and a balcony. I knew about that,” he says. Even rolls his eyes.

“You didn’t hear anything I said. Go to sleep. We can talk in the morning.” Isak looks like he’s about to protest, but then thinks better and just closes his eyes.

Even needs to get back up. He needs to turn the light off and make sure the door is locked for the night, but Isak’s here. He’s still wearing his ring. His hand has been resting on Even’s chest for a while, so it doesn’t feel cold on his skin anymore. It’s the same temperature as Isak now. It’s like it’s a part of his skin. Isak’s head is resting right above his heart, and he thinks it makes sense. He needs to get up, but he’ll do it in a minute.

He’s so, so fucking in love.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed this! ps every single one of my titles is a lyric to whatever song is stuck in my head at a given moment because i don't know how else people title things.


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